Passion Encircled (spring/solar eclipse mandala)

Always beginning again (meditation, spring & solar eclipse)

In some ways, we are always dying and being reborn.  Every day, every breath, every chance encounter, is an opportunity to begin again.  For example, in the sitting practice of shamatha (“calm abiding”, breath-based) Buddhist meditation, we are continually beginning again.  We let go of our thoughts, our identities, our cherished stories and plans.  And we choose, instead, to simply be.  To be without the story, with just our bodies and our experience of “right now”.

Every spring, we are reborn, as well.  The fire re-ignites within our souls, and we remember that we are ALIVE, and that we need to express this aliveness, or risk losing it.  (After all, we are only alive in the sense that we that we feel and act from–thus continually re-newing–the breath of inspiration.)

And, at the beginning of each lunar cycle–that is, at the during the dark (new) moon period of each month–we experience a surrender of the old and a re-birth into new consciousness, as well.  Never is this more true than during a solar eclipse–that is, a new moon which also passes over, and blocks, the light of the sun (if only for a moment).

Solar eclipses are like portals, or gateways, into a new and enhanced state of being.  During such a period, we can receive new impressions, seize new opportunities, or re-potentiate an aspect of ourselves that has been lying dormant and forgotten.  

This past Friday, March 20th, we experienced a solar eclipse in the early morning hours.  Astrologically, it was in the last degree of Pisces–and thus the last degree of the zodiac–indicating that we can draw on the wisdom of past year (the previous 359 degrees of the Sun’s journey) as we begin again.  But, only if we are willing to surrender all of our old baggage, our worn-out stories, our old victim-and-failure-laden consciousness.  Basically, we need to let go of the WEIGHT of the last accumulated year.

And so, here we are.  It’s spring, and we’re beginning again.  Maybe we had a hard year last year.  (I know I did, in many ways.) Maybe we question our abilities, or our choices.  Maybe we doubt our visions.  Our faith is not yet strong. . .

. . . But, we are here.  Alive, breathing.  Beautiful, vibrant, and full of promise.  We have something to offer.  And we have a choice, in this moment–each moment–as to whether we will grow and evolve, or whither and hide.

It is spring.  Embrace your life.  Commit to your own becoming.  Plant your feet, raise your head, open your heart and spread your arms open wide.  Now, sing your song, the song of now.  Only you can sing your being into existence.  Only you know how.

<3

Overcoming “not good enough” syndrome (full moon/Lilith in Virgo)

Today’s full moon in Virgo brought with it a mega-dose of charged energy, as it trined Pluto (lord of the underworld), quincunxed Uranus (revolutionary fire-starter) and opposed Chiron (the wounded healer).  But the energy that most drew my attention, interestingly enough, was Lilith.  The Black Moon Lilith was in a 4 degree conjunction with the moon, and added a heaping dose of feminine “umph”–as well as a second quality, perhaps unexpected: over-analysis.

That’s right–that gnawing, “something is scratching at my brain and I can’t let it go” energy was ultra-present today, and I wasn’t the only one who felt it. . . Did you?

Lilith in Virgo, the sign of the Virgin, is quite an interesting combination–particularly because Lilith exudes raw sexuality (and can be quite dirty!), while Virgo seeks purity, in its essence (whether in mind, body or spirit).  And yet, in earthy (if pristine) Virgo, Lilith can become quite the grounded goddess.  She can bring spirit into crystallized form.  She can transform chaos into clean-cut, sparkling delineations.

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Lilith in Virgo

And yet. . . There is that gnawing, isn’t there? It’s a nasty feeling, one that you can’t quite get rid of, like a fly buzzing persistently around your head, landing on your ear, tickling your brain.  And always, there is this same fear that creeps in:

“It’s not enough. . . I’m not good enough.”

You try to hush the irrational chorus of emptiness.  (Or, is it rational? Is it right?) You try to shush it, to cheer yourself up, to list your right-doings (for once), to remember your mantra.  Still, it sticks around, it creeps through the dark recesses of your brain.

“Things will never change.  You know that, don’t you? . . . There’s an ingredient missing. . . There’s a ‘something’ that you don’t have–and you never will.”

It’s futile to argue with the voice, as awful as it is.  Arguing with it just makes it louder.  And the anxiety doesn’t leave.  It just settles into your stomach, making you nauseous, inspiring you to not decide, to not do.  To just avoid the pain until it goes away. . . Except, it doesn’t.

So, what is the cure to this malady, this morose state of being?

The cure is surrender.

Surrender to the perfection of the universe, to the natural rhythm of Divine Unfolding.

After all, who are we to declare that we are not enough? That we never will be?

We are part of nature, part of it’s magic and it’s wisdom.  We can access it’s wisdom through the knowing of our bodies.

We are part of the Divine, in all of it’s inexplicable wonder and glory.

We are part of the Universal mandala, the interconnection that is the human race, in all of it’s frailty and messy complexity.

And, so, perhaps, we are not meant to figure out everything in our brains, alone.  Perhaps we need to “plug into” something greater–whether you call that something a higher power, or a natural intelligence or simply Buddha nature.

Lilith in Virgo can be a priestess.  The wild goddess, aligned with the Virgin, can bring purity to the psyche, and robust health to the body, and service to mankind.  But–she can only do so if she learns to listen to another Source other than the rattling of her own brain (consumed, in futility, with trying to solve higher questions that she cannot analyze into silence!)

So, how do you tap into Source, into the wisdom of your own natural intelligence? Do you do so through meditation? Journaling? Being in nature? Doing yoga?  Whatever the method is for you, now is the time to re-align and to tap in.  Come into the present moment, and listen for the cues of how you can serve, how you can respond to your soul’s longing.

The answers are there, hidden underneath the thoughts.  They come as urges, as prompts to turn first this way, then that.  Learn to wait, and to listen, and you will find the purpose that you seek–AND, perhaps more importantly, the peace of mind.

Namaste. <3

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Lilith: embodiment of the wild feminine, bridge between heaven and earth